幽默段子《看一眼》

我心不变

建议
陪老婆去买衣服，她时不时过来问我意见。怕她说我敷衍，我很认真的给了建议！买单时发现，没一件是按我的建议买的。我瞬间明白了，她这是拿我当反面教材啊！

香味
用了一夏天电蚊拍，每次电到蚊子都会冒出一股糊味！昨天儿子（4岁）跟他爸爸打架玩，打败了，气的呜呜哭！非要我拿蚊拍电死他爸，于是乎！我就用蚊拍在他爸身上电两下，咯吱咯吱冒闪电！他爸很配合俩腿一登装死，一会儿子幽幽的问我：妈妈！爸爸怎么没冒香味呢?

事迹
当年我爸跟我说他以前的英雄事迹，说有一次他去别人学校打架，一个人把人家八个人打趴下了。
我就问他：“你去年不是说四个吗，怎么现在变八个了？”
他笑着说：“去年你还小，我怕说出来吓着你。”

名字
哥们从西藏回来后，就中毒了，一直想取个藏系的名，在“加仓没错”和“平仓没错”之间犹豫。
弃它备选的比较睿智的名字有：加平都错、平仓确吉、持仓坚赞、空仓加错、加仓加错等。
这几天看了大盘，他恍然大悟，决定取名：仓又加错。

配合
“你好，我们正在街拍，可以配合一下吗？”
“好啊好啊，怎么配合？”
“离我们的模特远一点就可以了。”

嘴贱
邻居小李哥的宝宝在咿呀学语，也怪我嘴贱，逗小孩让他学叫爸爸，正好让小李哥听见了，这货居然去做亲子鉴定，果然不是亲生的，幸亏没我啥事儿，不过他媳妇儿这两天提着菜刀在我家门口转悠，我想问问该怎么办？在线等，挺急的。

嘴甜
公司前台，人事文员轮流值班，这天出门碰到认识的丽丽姐值班，向来嘴甜的我张嘴就说:"丽丽姐，今天你坐台啊！""是啊！"她竟然回应了，吓的我赶紧跑开了！

看一眼
我以前单身，和发小一起挤公交车，看到站在我前面不远处有一个美女。我：“前面有个美女，是我喜欢的类型，可惜她正眼都不看我一眼！”发小：“我跟她说说！”发小凑到美女面前说了一句话。那美女时不时就怯生生的看我一眼。 下车后，我问发小：“你跟她说我喜欢她了吗？” 发小：“没啊，我就跟她说你是小偷。”

夫子经常剖析真相，控诉无耻和邪恶，难免在言语，探讨事件中违反一些东西，我不担心号会如何，

只是担心在某一天大家会缺少一个传递正能量的平台，

为此夫子专门建了一个小号：人间怪话（微信号：chashuibiao888）,里面也会有许多同样精彩的文章，

大家拉到底，点击进入图片链接就可以关注了，再次感谢大家！！！

同时欢迎各位

加夫子小助手微信，邀你进入夫子建的交流群里，记得要备注是从史夫子说来的噢~（助手微信：simlegirl88888）

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